Stepmother refuses to miss 17-year-old stepson's graduation despite kid's bio mom telling the school that she is not allowed to attend: ‘Her son still wants me there’

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  • "AITA for not skipping my stepson’s graduation even though his mom is threatening to make a scene?"

    I (30F) have been married to my husband (41M) for five years now. His son (17) is graduating high school next month. I met him when he was 11. I've never tried
  • to be his mom and we took things slow and over the years we've built a decent relationship. I help out where I can, mostly behind
  • the scenes like rides, school stuff, dinner when he's over. He's casually called me his "bonus mom" a couple of times which I took as a good sign.
  • However his mom, Jan, has never liked me. She's never been openly hostile but always cold and dismissive. I've never pushed her though. No drama, no trying to parent her kid, just tried to be supportive when he's with us.
  • Anyway, he told us he wants me at his graduation. He said it directly and saved me a ticket. A week later, my husband gets a call from the school and
  • apparently Jan emailed them and said only she and my husband would be attending and that I shouldn't be allowed because of "family issues." We had no idea she did this.
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  • My husband called the school to clear it up and when we asked her about it, she basically said I was overstepping and that
  • graduation is for his "real family." She told someone in the family that if I show up, she might leave or worse not let her son attend!
  • Her son still wants me there. He even told his dad, "Don't let her ruin it." My husband fully supports me going. But now a
  • couple of his relatives are telling me I should just stay home to avoid drama. (guess who called them about it! ☺)
  • I get it's a sensitive day but I'm not there to make a statement. I just want to show up, support him, and leave quietly like everyone else. AITA for insisting on going?
  • ShannaraRose NTA. Your stepson wants you there. Go. Your husband should tell his busybody relatives to mind their own business. I'll bet your stepson's mom will be on here in a couple of years complaining that her son never visits her but always visits his dad, if she doesn't learn how to adult.
  • Putrip He seems happier when he spends time in our house.
  • Spicy-Bunny1 NTA. The kid literally asked you to be there and saved you a ticket that's all that matters. Jan is being petty and controlling, and it's honestly messed up to use her son's graduation as a power play. You're not "overstepping" by showing up for a kid you've helped raise for years. You're not
  • even trying to cause drama; you just want to be there to support him. If she makes a scene, that's on her, not you. The kid clearly wants you there, your husband supports it, so go and be there for him. Let Jan stew in her own bitterness if she wants to.
  • buttercupgrump NTA Jan is playing a dangerous game here. If she leaves the graduation or even prevents your stepson from going, he'll resent her. Is excluding you worth it to her? Go. Your stepson wants you there. He's the only one whose opinion matters.
  • Wealthier_nasty She's making to about herself instead of her son. Pathetic from someone who should just be supporting her kid. NTA
  • Impossible-Cap-6433 Agree with the other NTA comments, but you might want to have a conversation with your stepson. Let him know you support him and want to be there for him, but want him to enjoy the day. Let him know that you won't be upset if he wants you to stay home.
  • He might be in a bad spot, knowing his mom doesn't want step mom there. Letting him know you prioritize his feelings over yours in this matter, and that while you want to be there you would understand if he wanted you to not be to avoid the drama.
  • Truly loving him is to be willing to sacrifice your comfort to support him on his special day.

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